Not a day goes by that I don’t rue the cosmic clusterfuck that spawned the melanin-deficient amoeba that would go on to evolve into the white race. It’s almost as if some higher power were designing a video game and needed a generic “default” character that neither excelled nor underperformed in any major category. They’d already created the athletic Negro, the intelligent Asian and the self-propagating Mexican; all the major bases were covered! But no, they just had to have a humanoid equivalent of the blue car in F-Zero…
Now, unlike the other major races, Whitey is accustomed to getting what he wants, when he wants it. Thus, putting him in the role of “customer” is always a precarious move. Whitey doesn’t merely call up the pharmacy and request a refill, he demands it. Sometimes he even goes so far as to inform those filling the refill what time it will be ready, or else. Woe be unto the hapless technician stuck in the position of having to inform Whitey that he’s out of refills, the doctor has denied his request for refills, his medication can’t be refilled by law, etc. If there’s one thing Whitey excels at it’s committing self-serving slogans to memory; “the customer is always right” has now found its way into the healthcare field, and Whitey views the pharmacy as a glorified McDonald’s.
Despite poking fun at those wacky minorities with their accents, ebonics, “bix nood”, etc., Whitey is completely and utterly incapable of pronouncing the names of his medications. Now, generic drug names tend to be rather unwieldy to those not specifically trained in the health sciences. This is why drug companies spend time and money developing bold, easily-recalled brand names for their new products. (Viagra™, for example, was meant to subliminally envoke the image of Niagara Falls… ew.) But sooner or later, pretty much all drug patents expire and cheap generics rush in to fill the gap. Then I have to endure 79 year-old Jethro commanding me to refill his zolpidem tartrate at 7:30 in the morning: “Hey, durr boyh…. I needs me a REphil on my zol-…… zlop….. sloppa…. zippid….. solpaderm tah-… tih… titty…. turtl…. ah, fuckit! Mah Ambien™!”
Whitey has also managed to come up with gentrified ways of breaking the law. Now, if Rakeem wants some narcotics he’ll get them from the dealer down the street from da projexxx. Hector will break into, hotwire, steal, strip and sell an automobile (all using the same knife) for drug money. But Whitey just has to step it up to the next level. He has to try phoning in faux prescriptions for himself, altering legitimate ones, etc. He also can’t be seen re-using heroin needles like those dirty minorities; no, he has to have brand-spanking-new needles for each shoot-up! And since insulin needles are over-the-counter, he figures it’s a done deal…
Wrong. Most pharmacists figure out pretty damned quick how to distinguish between actual diabetics and drug-addled morons looking for a clean spike. For starters, real diabetics know what type of diabetes they have, as well as what kind of insulin they take. Hell, they usually have their insulin and diabetes medications on file at that very pharmacy! “Ah, well, see, I’m actually picking these up for my friend/mother/grandmother/uncle/cat/dog/cousin/neighbor/friend’s neighbor’s dog.” Right. This line is certain to set off the bullshit detector of pharmacists three blocks down the fucking street. I’ve actually received phone calls from nearby pharmacies: “That’s the third time tonight; wtf?” / “Yeah, we seem to have a real pandemic of hyperglycemic cats in this neighborhood, lol!”
Some Whiteys have even developed such an entitlement mentality that they will threaten legal action against pharmacy staff who refuse to sell them insulin needles. Fortunately, the law allows for pharmacies/pharmacists to refuse such sales on a per-case basis. (We can even refuse to fill legitimate prescriptions if the situation arises.) I cannot express in words how incredible it is to see the look on Whitey’s face when, perhaps for the first time in his life, someone tells him “No” and means it.
